Resistance Is Futile

The United States knows all and sees all. Schwartzkopf said he’s never seen anything like this “awesome” technology. The BBC said “it’s as if the US has a 3 dimensional picture of every single thing that is happening in Baghdad.” No need to tell the Brits about the strike, though. Gotta move fast. They may represent 70% of the coalition ‘o the willin’, but Blair is still a limey twit, always making Bush sound stupid. Killing Saddam’s like swatting a fly. We have X-Ray vision and he’s probably dead. We think. Like Osama.

Oh wait.

We got to watch Bush putting on his make-up on the BBC feed for about 5 minutes before the speech. He looked psyched. I believe he mouthed the words “what, me worry?”

Aaron Brown may cry at any moment with all this “exquisite tension.” I believe he soiled his trousers when Nic Roberts said the word “anti-aircraft.” Brian Williams needs some of that white stuff under his eyes but his shirt is mighty crisp. Oliver North is “embeded” with the Army and can’t stop himself from screaming “charge, you cowards, charge!” The troops smile indulgently.

The war show is, so far, very disappointing. When Bernie and Peter were hiding under their beds back in ’91 at the Baghdad Hilton, and a handsome gas masked Bibi spoke calmly from Tel Aviv in his mellifluous American accent, it was new and exciting. The Patriot missiles were faster than a speeding scud and could pluck that baby right out of the sky. Cool fireworks. (Of course, we later found out they couldn’t hit water if they were pushed over the side of a boat.)

Still, it all was new and so post-pac man. I’m not seeing it now, no matter how they rhapsodise about the technology. I wonder if people are still watching. Especially since there’s nothing to watch. We just turned on “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”

But, I imagine it’s pretty darned exciting in Baghdad this morning. I imagine it feels pretty real and stimulating to them.

In fact, I would imagine that in a day or two all those men and women and kids in Baghdad are going to feel like New Yorkers on the morning of September 11th .

They deserve it just as much as we did.