Biddy Values

When exactly did Cokie “she who shall sit in judgement of all who are not perfect” Roberts retire and name Michelle Cottle as her replacement?

Let’s be clear: This isn’t a question of vengeance or even of teaching the batty bride a life lesson. It’s about actions having consequences and the misuse of public resources (something you can bet Sean Hannity would be ranting about if the bride in question had been some homely piece of trailer trash). Hell, if my centrally monitored fire alarm accidentally goes off more than a couple of times, the D.C. Fire Department will start charging me for the cost of needlessly dispatching its trucks to my house, regardless of whether I’ve made every effort to control my temperamental system. Will I be miffed if this happens? Sure. But the city has a right to expect me to take responsibility for tying up its trucks and personnel. I don’t see why the people of Duluth should expect any less from Wilbanks–especially given that her false alarm was deliberate and at least partially premeditated.

So let’s stop all the bloviating about prosecuting Wilbanks, and let the now-humiliated bride start working out how to repay her very real debt to the people of Duluth. Maybe then her neighbors will be able to begin forgiving and forgetting. After all, while Wilbanks unquestionably made a stupid mistake, it’s not as though she slept with an “American Idol” contestant.

Michelle and Cokie heard all about it when they were getting a wash and curl down at the beauty parlor. The neighbors aren’t going to be doing any forgivin’ and forgettin’ until that little tramp gets every single one of them tickets to Oprah and a spot on Katie Couric.

The nosy old biddies really are back in charge, aren’t they? And they aren’t all named James Dobson, either.

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