Helping Nick Kristof

I’ve decided that Nick Kristof needs help, my help. He seems to have Attention Deficit Disorder and has not been taking his Ritalin. After a very promising start to his op-ed today on Traitorgate, Kristof starts to ramble, finally degenerating into total incoherence, something about Les Miserables or some other Broadway musical he once saw a long time ago.

Anyway, I’ve decided to help him refocus. Now, here is how Nick’s column begins, before it goes off the rails:

Before dragging any Bush administration officials off to jail, we should pause and take a long, deep breath.

Not bad, eh? I agree. Now, here’s how he should have continued, but didn’t:

Before dragging any Bush administration officials off to jail, we should pause and take a long, deep breath.

Then, we should firmly grasp their arms and legs, and, being sure we lift from our knees, toss them into a nearby tar pit, cover them in feathers, and frog march them into the closest federal penitentiary for a very long, hopefully lifelong, incarceration.