The Neurobiology Of The Right

by tristero

Something is very, very wrong with the cognition of far too many people on the right. I’m beginning to think seriously it may be organic.

Are there any neurologists or neurobiologists amongst you, dear readers? If so, I’d be very grateful if you could explain what causes the utterly weird correlation between rightwing ideology, pathological lying and geographical incompetence. True, correlation doesn’t necessarily imply causation, but really people, this is strange. And this goes way beyond a stupid lie. Like they thought no one would notice all the Turkish in the signs? No, something is wrong with these people.

Besides, Kaloogian isn’t the only Republican and/or rightwingnut who doesn’t know where things are. Don’t ever ask Richard Perle for directions. He thinks the UN is “the chatterbox on the Hudson” when it’s clearly on the East River (at least it was the last time I checked; I suppose they could have picked up the offices and moved them crosstown…). And Jeanne Pirro mislaid Pennsylvania. Then, of course, there’s Dan Quayle thrilled to be in “the great state of Chicago.” As for Bush’s awful ignorance of geography – remember the Grecians? – don’t get me started. Whoops! Hold on, wait a minute, wait a minute…A terrible thought.

Could it be – my God, it could! Could it be that the reason Bush invaded Iraq was simply because of an organic disorder that left him so geographically challenged he couldn’t distinguish it from Iran? “Iran, Iraq – there’s a difference? Don’t bother me with details. Just invade them, fer Pete’s sakes.”

And with that utterly awful thought rattling through our minds, consider this. Let’s agree, just for the sake, of argument, with Ambrose Bierce that “war is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” Now if America is being run by people organically incapable of understanding geography… Oh. My. God… Truly scary.

So, to all you neurobiologists out there, riddle me this: assuming it’s organic, where is the problem located? Left brain? Right brain? Is it in the hippocampus (love that word)? Is it genetic? A virus? Do Republican nervous systems use Crisco oil instead of norepinephrine (another fave)? What? We need answers and fast:

What kind of anomaly could cause the unique cluster of symptoms – lying, hostile impulsivity, excessive religiosity, narcissistic delusions of exceptionalism, compulsive anti-social behavior including deliberate law-breaking and fraud, etc, etc, AND geographic incompetence – that characterize Repubican-Neuro-Cerebral syndrome or RNC-s?

[Note to rightwingers: I realize that your powers of comprehension lie closer to those of a hamster than to most of the world human community, so let me make it clear that the above is satire and not serious. Oh, if only your problem was merely organic! How easy it would be to understand and sympathize. And to treat! Doctors could create a tiny little pill that could keep you grounded in consensual reality for at least a few minutes a week. My goodness, a Republican with a mere three minutes of accurate perception a week! How much safer the world would be.

But that’s not possible. Your problems are, to use the jargon, characterological as much as they are physcial. Prognosis: negative.

I…sob…pity you.]

[Update: Typos fixed.]
[Update: Link To TPM’s “Busted!” post added.]