I Am Now Become Death, Destroyer Of Worlds

by dday

Novakula started a new day job as The Grim Reaper this morning, and apparently he’s not so good at it:

Syndicated columnist Robert D. Novak was cited by police after he hit a pedestrian with his black Corvette in downtown Washington, D.C., on Wednesday morning […]

“I didn’t know I hit him. I feel terrible,” a shaken Novak told reporters from Politico and WJLA as he was returning to his car. “He’s not dead, that’s the main thing.” Novak said he was a block away from 18th and K streets Northwest, where the accident occurred, when a bicyclist stopped him and said, “You hit someone.” He said he was cited for failing to yield the right of way.

The bicyclist was David Bono, a partner at Harkins Cunningham, who was on his usual bike commute to work at 1700 K St. N.W. when he witnessed the accident.

As he traveled east on K Street, crossing 18th, Bono said a “black Corvette convertible with top closed plowed into the guy. The guy is sort of splayed onto the windshield.”

Bono said that the pedestrian, who was crossing the street on a “Walk” signal and was in the crosswalk, rolled off the windshield and that Novak then made a right into the service lane of K Street. “The car is speeding away. What’s going through my mind is, you just can’t hit a pedestrian and drive away,” Bono said.

I’m thinking the fact that he didn’t kill the guy, as Beelzebub commanded, was deeply embarrassing, and Novak wanted to ditch the whole assignment and wanted to get back to the business of destroying careers instead of lives. The Angel of Death is not a high-paying job to begin with, and when you fail in your core function of, you know, causing death, the Great Netherworld temp agency typically calls out for reinforcements.

Satan is really not going to be pleased, Novak’s going to have to give him a few column inches this week…

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