Cheerios Follies

by tristero

As predicted, the right is making food issues into an all-out cultural crusade. The latest battlefield: Cheerios:

Disputes over food-label claims are always political. But the current, insane iteration of the American right has walked several steps past the crazy line with its collective reaction to the Food and Drug Administration’s demand that General Mills (GIS) tone down its health claims for Cheerios.

“It’s fairly obvious to me why the Obama administration is going after Cheerios over possible deceptive advertising,” says the Deadenders blog. “Babies love them more then him.”

“This is the kind of irritating, intrusive nonsense that makes people weary of their government and every smarmy bureaucratic microbe in it,” writes David Crocker of the Behind Blue Lines blog.

The FDA wants General Mills to reel back its claim that Cheerios can “lower your cholesterol 4 percent in 6 weeks.” Such a claim is not backed up by science, according to a letter sent to the company by the FDA. The agency says that General Mills is making claims for its cereal that more properly, and according to federal law, should apply only to drugs designed to cure disease. The claims amount to a “serious violation” of laws governing label claims, according to the letter.

That’s true, of course. But it hasn’t stopped critics from characterizing the situation as President Obama yet again attacking a venerable American institution. Never mind that Obama almost certainly had no idea that his FDA was planning to go after Cheerios.

Food seems to be a common theme among crazy conservatives. For them, wholesome, “American” foods are a-OK. Eurocommie foods are right out. “Washington raised ciggie taxes to pay for SCHIP expansion and are [sic] gearing up to raise soda taxes to pay for Obamacare,” writes the reliably nutty Michelle Malkin. “No vice is safe from the health police. Dijon mustard and arugula exempted, of course.”

We can expect more and more of this kind of nonsense. The anti-Cheerios president! The pro-Arugula, Hawaii -vacationing, Dijon-swilling, liberalcommunistsocialistfascistmonarchist-terrorist coddler! The next thing you know, Obama’ll ban AK-47’s from national parks and then where will we be?

As if this is about the character of a president rather than deceptive health claims to a public that is in no position to evaluate them. As if this is about elitism rather than profiting by marketing a mediocre food as if it was a cure-all. FYI, if you want to know what goes into Cheerios, go here. Bottom line: as factory food goes, there are a lot worse choices you can make. The ingredients include corn starch (of course), trisodium phosphate, salt, sugar (not as much as the usual factory junk) and a chemical preservative. In other words, compared to a bowl of real oatmeal… well, whatever floats your boat, far be it from me to pick a fight over the taste of Cheerios. There’s bound to be a zillion commenters who will complain mightily that I’m insulting their very being because they grew up on the stuff and it tastes far better than the oatmeal swill their friend’s evil mother tried to shove down their throat after a sleep over. So rather than argue over exactly how bland and unpleasantly processed Cheerios tastes (sorry, couldn’t resist) let’s talk the language we Americans prize above everything, even childhood memories: Money.

As Michael Pollan pointed out today on The Brian Lehrer Show (the podcast doesn’t seem to be up yet), Cheerios costs some $4.00 a pound. The far more nutritious organic steel cut oats can be bought for $.79 a pound.* At that price, you can whip up vast quantities of Mark Bittman’s awesome coconut oat pilaf, which is flat-out the best cereal for breakfast I’ve ever had in my life and which I eat as often as I can.

*Perhaps. Here, you can get Cheerios for $4.83 a pound, so maybe somewhere they’re available for 4 bucks (you’re welcome to post lower prices!) in large quantities. As for organic steel cut oats, I found them for $.87 a pound here if you buy 50 pounds. But that is a lot of oats! I should know. I bought a 25 pound bag of organic steel cut oats from Bob’s Red Mill ($1.57 a pound) and proudly show off the huge (by NYC apartment standards) tub of oats to my flabbergasted fellow Manhattanites.