Republicans are upset that liberals don’t want to hang out with them. They really don’t like it that young liberal women don’t want to date them. It’s allegedly because they are unciviol and mean. Amanda Marcotte takes them downtown:
You have to give it to Axios: They know how to throw out some tasty bait. Their latest is irresistible for conservatives, who love any story that frames them as victims, and gives them the chance to blame the left for “incivility.” Never mind obvious counter-examples such as the storming of the Capitol, gun-waving Christmas cards, and the entire person of Donald Trump.
“Young Dems more likely to despise the other party,” blares Tuesday’s Axios headline, noting in the article that “5% of Republicans said they wouldn’t be friends with someone from the opposite party, compared to 37% of Democrats,” and “71% of Democrats wouldn’t go on a date with someone with opposing views, versus 31% of Republicans.”
Unsurprisingly, this delicious bait worked exactly as intended, at least in social media reactions.
On the right, there was a lot of trumpeting how this supposedly proves the left are the ones who are “really” intolerant. Radio talker Matt Murphy whined that liberals “don’t believe in our republic cannot abide people who think differently than them.” As if not getting to have sex with or go to parties with liberals is exactly the same as having your basic rights as a citizen stripped from you. “This doesn’t bode well,” complained GOP lawyer and ABC commentator Sarah Isgur, who previously defended the Trump administration’s policy of separating families at the U.S.-Mexico border as a former spokesperson in the Justice Department.
“My most fascinating friendships have always come from ‘the other side,'” MSNBC host Joe Scarborough tweeted, noting that, as a Republican, he “always benefitted” from those conversations. As many people pointed out in response, however, that a Republican like Scarborough gained from friendships with people like “John Lewis, Elijah Cummings, Ron Dellums, and Maxine Waters” doesn’t mean the reverse is true. And that is most likely what this polling is picking up.
This is about desirability, not “tolerance.” Democrats are desirable as friends and lovers, not just to their fellow party members, but to Republicans, as well. But Republicans? They apparently don’t have much to offer to Democrats as friends, and certainly not as lovers. Digging into the polling shows why this is.
As the Axios write-up by Neal Rothschild notes, young Democrats believe that GOP positions “spearheaded by former President Trump — are far outside of the mainstream and polite conversation.” In particular, “human rights, and not just policy differences, are at stake.” Which, no duh. Just last week, the GOP-controlled Supreme Court made it clear they plan to strip basic bodily autonomy rights from everyone with a uterus. The Republican Party is rallying around violent and white supremacist rhetoric.
Relatedly, a Harvard poll from last week shows “[m]ore than half of young Americans feel democracy in the country is under threat, and over a third think they may see a second U.S. civil war within their lifetimes.” This isn’t about a dispute over marginal tax rates. If you — quite correctly — believe that Republicans are plotting to destroy democracy, then why would you want to be friends with people who support that?
Unsurprisingly, female Democrats were more likely than male Democrats to reject dating someone who “voted for the opposing presidential candidate,” i.e. Trump. Which isn’t just about personal taste, but safety. Trump not only bragged about how he likes to “grab ’em by the pussy,” but has a long track record of aggressively defending men who have been accused of sexual or domestic violence. It’s just common sense to refuse to be alone with men who are fine with that attitude, and no different than watching your drink at a party or having a friend walk you home at night. In addition, having sex with men who back the party of forced childbirth is just ill-advised.
And that gets to the crux of it: Dating and friendship aren’t about merely tolerating someone, it’s about inviting someone into your life, as a confidante or even on an intimate level. Relationships take work to maintain. Why waste that effort on someone who can’t meet the baseline requirement of seeing you or the other people in your life as full human beings? And no, being “personally” pro-choice or pro-LGBTQ rights hardly counts, when you keep voting for the party that opposes both.
There is no excuse for being a Republican in 2021. None. Anyone is perfectly within his or her rights to reject someone for that and refuse to allow them into their circle of friends. Because if you do let them in, you cannot expect any tolerance on their part. In fact, the opposite is true. They are anything but live and let live.
Life is short.