Your daily dose of outrage
Mockery is too good for them. Rex Huppke tries anyway:
Greetings, fellow Americans. I am writing this column from atop a gas stove I have patriotically chained myself to in case President Joe Biden sends one of his communist stovetroopers to confiscate my beloved cooking appliance.
According to the same people who warned me the government was coming for my guns, my hamburgers and my ability to say “Merry Christmas,” the nanny state is now poised to take away my gas stove. Based on what I’m seeing on Fox News and hearing from gas-loving lawmakers, it could happen at any moment!
A U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission report notes that gas stoves have been found to emit harmful fumes that can aggravate childhood asthma. Banning appliances that cannot be made safe is an option, say regulators. Then again, maybe they can be made safer.
Team Daily Outrage was off! So was Huppke:
And I listened to Fox News’ Tucker Carlson, who suggested the ban on gas stoves that the libs claim does not exist (on the spurious basis that it does not exist) is a “red line” Americans won’t tolerate. “I would counsel mass disobedience in the face of tyranny in this case,” Carlson said.
Amen! I completely agree with what Carlson and others told me to think, and there’s no way I’m going to forgo my constitutional right to be in a continuous state of unbridled rage by “learning more about the issue” or “considering the fact that if a nanny state exists, it’s really, really bad at nannying since I still have a closet full of guns, a freezer full of hamburgers and a yard full of still-up Christmas decorations.”
I’ve been watching for the jack-booted thugs for years now and have yet to spot any. For those inclined to take pot shots at them, good luck finding ammunition. Every time one of these daily outrages crops up (meaning daily), the Outrage Brigade cleans out the shelves at the gun stores. The resulting shortages are proof positive that the Deep State is behind them.
As for, you know, data suggesting that “children living in a household with gas stoves have a 42 percent increased likelihood of already having asthma and a 24 percent increased risk of developing asthma at some point in their lifetime”? Bah!
Huppk rants:
Sure, whatever you say, “science.” I’m not about to let peer-reviewed evidence of potential adverse health impacts on children stop me from protesting a federal ban I’m imagining. I’m too busy pushing for a local ban on drag queen story hours, which I KNOW are harming children based on the nones of peer-reviewed evidence I’ve been shown by no one.
I’ve heard depression can become a “set” in the mind if left untreated. Who is going to treat the millions addicted to their daily dose of outrage? Perhaps the Consumer Product Safety Commission should launch a study on the longterm effects of exposure to that.