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The Longest Speech In History

Nobody’s ever seen anything like it

If you were one of those people who has given up on the news since the election and decided to watch last night’s Presidential speech before a joint session of Congress (a state of the union in all but name) you had to come away a little bit shell-shocked by what you heard. President Donald Trump delivered what felt like an interminable litany of his alleged accomplishments over the course of an hour and 40 minutes that would make anyone’s hair stand on end if they hadn’t heard it all before.

To set the stage you would have had to know that the congressional Democrats have been hand wringing for days over how they were going to handle the speech seeing as he has been systematically dismantling the federal government and destroying the economy and existing world order. It just seemed wrong to behave as if this is business as usual despite the trappings of a normal State of the Union address. (In fact, one Representative, Melanie Stansbury of New Mexico, stood silently holding a sign that said “this is not normal” until a Republican ripped it from her hands and tore it up as Donald Trump walked down the aisle to the podium.) In the end many decided not to attend while others wore matching pink clothing, held up signs that said “false” or “save Medicaid.” Some walked out at different times during the speech after Congressman Al Green of Texas yelled out and was forcibly removed. (Interesting that the same rule was not applied to Marjorie Taylor Green and Lauren Boebert when they mercilessly heckled Joe Biden.)

Trump noticed that none of them would stand or applaud saying,

 I look at the Democrats in front of me and I realize there is absolutely nothing I can say to make them happy or to make them stand or smile or applaud. Nothing I can do. I could find a cure to the most devastating disease, a disease that would wipe out entire nations or announce the answers to greatest economy in history or the stoppage of crime to the lowest levels ever recorded, and these people sitting right here will not clap, will not stand, and certainly will not cheer for these astronomical achievements.

He was angry that they weren’t clapping for the “astronomical achievements” he had not actually accomplished failing to recognize that they were not clapping or standing for the execrable achievements he has.

If one hasn’t been following these first chilling six weeks of Trump’s term they would have been stunned by the long list of depravities he has inflicted on the country already. He bragged that he had withdrawn from the Paris Climate accord, the World Health Organization,and the U.N. Human Rights Council. He boasted that he ended environmental restrictions and the electric vehicle mandate (which didn’t exist) ordered all federal workers to return to the office and stopped “weaponized government where, as an example, a sitting president is allowed to viciously prosecute his political opponent, like me.” He said that he’d signed an order making English the official language of the United States. renamed the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America and restored the name of Mt McKinley to Denali, in Alaska.

All of this, and more, was announced with the usual Trumpian flourishes as one might expect. But the ecstatic response from the Republicans in the room to each and every one, replete with standing ovations and shouts of excitement was something to behold. But nothing brought out the whoops and roars of that side of the room than the litany of attacks on people of color (aka DEI) and transgender Americans, particularly children. In fact, he spent more time on the subject of transgender people than on any other issue, returning to it more than once, even going so far as to feature several alleged victims in the gallery, telling their stories in lurid detail. It was horrifically reminiscent of historical examples of other minorities being targeted as enemies of society. I think we all know where that leads.

He also spent an inordinate amount of time listing off examples of “waste fraud and abuse” found by the DOGE team, which he said was “headed by Elon Musk” a fact they’ve been trying to obscure in court cases. At one point he proclaimed that “the days of rule by unelected bureaucrats are over” which elicited Democratic laughter and pointing at Musk, who had been ostentatiously introduced by Trump in the gallery.

Trump went on and on calling out USAID programs that he and the Republicans find entertaining to mock. He claimed they’ve found hundreds of billions of dollars in fraud which is a monumental exaggeration. But then so much of what he said last night was complete fiction.

Another interminable litany of lies was a dull recitation of alleged fraud in the Social Security rolls in which he seemed to be saying that there are tens of millions of fraudulent recipients who are collecting the checks of dead people. (This is not true, it’s been thoroughly debunked, even by the person Trump has elevated to commissioner.)

Trump made a great show of promising not to cut Social Security and Medicare in all of his campaigns so there’s a reason why he spent so much time degrading the system in this speech and it isn’t good. The way he described it sounded very much like the way he described the supposed cheating in the 2020 election which indicates they are working up a narrative to excuse the attack on the system that’s already underway with massive personnel cuts and the closing of offices. They’re coming for Social Security.

Interestingly, he didn’t spend much time on the tariffs or Ukraine the two subjects at the very center of the news cycle for the past week. He slammed Canada and Mexico with the usual nonsense about “subsidies” and announced that there are more tariffs on the horizon:

In new tariff news from this speech, Trump named the EU, China, Brazil, India, Mexico, Canada, and South Korea are the countries for possible April 2nd tariffs—that would cover the vast majority of US trade. He also reiterated he wants tariffs on food to start April 2nd.

Joey Politano🏳️‍🌈 (@josephpolitano.bsky.social) 2025-03-05T03:20:55.289Z

He mentioned in passing that all this will cause “a little disturbance but we’re ok with that, it won’t be much” so there’s no need to worry our pretty little heads about it.

As for Ukraine, he implied that President Zelensky had capitulated by reciting a letter in which the Ukrainian president said he was ready to come to the negotiating table and thanked the Americans for their support. (Zelensky had actually published this on X earlier, in which he proposed partial cease fire terms and renewed his offer to sign the minerals deal.) Trump didn’t sound particularly excited about any of that I would guess because he has already checked out of any negotiation that requires Russia to concede anything.

All in all it was a pretty standard Trump speech. He pounded his chest, insulted the opposition, bragged about fantasy accomplishments and lied profusely.

And if you ever wondered exactly what is meant by “America First” Trump made that clear last night. He says he plans to “forge the freest, most advanced, most dynamic and most dominant civilization ever to exist on the face of this earth.”

Pour one out for the new American Imperium.

Salon


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