I’m sure this is going to go very smoothly:
The so-called Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) is starting to put together a team to migrate the Social Security Administration’s (SSA) computer systems entirely off one of its oldest programming languages in a matter of months, potentially putting the integrity of the system—and the benefits on which tens of millions of Americans rely—at risk.
The project is being organized by Elon Musk lieutenant Steve Davis, multiple sources who were not given permission to talk to the media tell WIRED, and aims to migrate all SSA systems off COBOL, one of the first common business-oriented programming languages, and onto a more modern replacement like Java within a scheduled tight timeframe of a few months.
Under any circumstances, a migration of this size and scale would be a massive undertaking, experts tell WIRED, but the expedited deadline runs the risk of obstructing payments to the more than 65 million people in the US currently receiving Social Security benefits.
God help us:
In order to migrate all COBOL code into a more modern language within a few months, DOGE would likely need to employ some form of generative artificial intelligence to help translate the millions of lines of code, sources tell WIRED. “DOGE thinks if they can say they got rid of all the COBOL in months, then their way is the right way, and we all just suck for not breaking shit,” says the SSA technologist.
DOGE would also need to develop tests to ensure the new system’s outputs match the previous one. It would be difficult to resolve all of the possible edge cases over the course of several years, let alone months, adds the SSA technologist.
“This is an environment that is held together with bail wire and duct tape,” the former senior SSA technologist working in the office of the chief information officer tells WIRED. “The leaders need to understand that they’re dealing with a house of cards or Jenga. If they start pulling pieces out, which they’ve already stated they’re doing, things can break.”
Obviously, this is a necessary modernization which they’ve been talking about for some time. But it requires taking their time and being very careful about doing it because 75 million people are dependent on the system to work without interruption. Keep in mind that most people’s Medicare premiums are deducted from their Social Security. If this explodes, as it likely will, senior citizens are not only in dangers of not getting their checks, the Medicare system is in danger of blowing up right along with it.
But I’m sure BigBalls and his grubby little friends know what they’re doing with COBAL and will make sure nothing bad happens right? They’re all geniuses.
As Scott Lemieux wrote:
Enjoying your hard-earned retirement? Thinking of retiring in the near future? Elon would like to take take what is likely most of your disposable income to the Dunning-Kruger casino