Larry David shared a transcript of one of his production meetings for Curb Your Enthusiasm for the New Yorker:
LARRY DAVID: Welcome, everyone. The ratings came in for last week’s show, and they were through the roof. Numbers you would not have believed were possible. They’re saying a hundred million, maybe more. Could be two hundred million. Nobody’s ever seen anything like it. Just tremendous. And so many stars want to be in it. The biggest stars—Tom Hanks. Leo. Margot Robbie, who’s so beautiful. What a beautiful girl. She’s Australian, you know. You wouldn’t believe how popular “Curb” is there. All over the world. And in New York it’s crazy—I can’t even walk down the street. I have to be carried in a suitcase. O.K., let’s go around the room. Jeff, you start.
JEFF GARLIN (actor): I thought last week’s show was amazing and I’ve never seen you funnier. I mean, you’re always funny, but you went into the comedy stratosphere. When we’re in a scene together, I’m just watching you in awe. I truly do not know how you do it. So honored to be a part of this.
L.D.: Thank you, Jeff. Susie?
SUSIE ESSMAN (actor): Jeff, you took the words right out of my mouth. But what I find most surprising, which isn’t talked about very much, is how handsome you are, Larry. Your comedy is so brilliant that people overlook the fact that there’s a stunning man behind it. I have no doubt that you could’ve been a big movie star, if you chose to do that. Fortunately for us and the world, you chose comedy. I think I speak for everyone here when I say how lucky we are to be in the presence of such a genius.
L.D.: Well, I’ve always felt that my looks were underrated. Sometimes I’ll catch a reflection in a store window and say to myself, “What a gorgeous man!” And then I realize it’s me. Crazy! O.K., let’s hear from J.B.
J. B. SMOOVE (actor): Man, you have no idea how much you’ve done for me. I used to hate white people—and then I met you. How can I hate white people if you’re white? You are a good, white man. And, if I were a white man, I’d want to be you. You are the Martin Luther King of comedy.
L.D.: I was a great admirer of his. And many people have told me he would’ve been a big fan of mine. Laura?
LAURA STREICHER (executive producer): If I ever think about a person who I hope never dies, it’s you. And what I know—and what most people don’t know—is how charitable you are. (To the group) He doesn’t tell anyone, but I happen to know that every Saturday he goes to hospitals and nursing homes—and just by the sheer force of his personality makes everyone feel better.
L.D.: I told you that in confidence.
L.S.: But people need to know. On the set we call you Mr. Larry Rogers because of how sweet and kind you are.
L.D.: Big fan of mine. Next?
JEFF SCHAFFER (director): The impact you’ve had on comedy all over the world—and on other planets, if they’re observing us—is profound. And if, in fact, the aliens are watching the show, they’re getting the most valuable life lessons imaginable. Every day with you is a master class in comedy, but getting to know you has been the greatest blessing of my life.
There’s more at the link. Nobody’s ever seen anything like it.
Have a great Saturday night. Go touch some grass. Or smoke some.