Trump will huff, and he’ll puff, etc.
Big Balls had a less than excellent adventure in D.C. over the weekend (The Hill):
Two teenagers were arrested in connection to the attempted carjacking of a former Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) staffer known as “Big Balls.”
Authorities said the 15-year-old suspects, who were charged with unarmed carjacking, were among several teens who allegedly approached the victim, Edward Coristine, and a woman police identified as his significant other near a car at approximately 3 a.m. Sunday in Washington’s Logan Circle neighborhood.
The group allegedly made comments about taking the car, before Coristine pushed his significant other into the vehicle for safety and prepared to confront the group, according to police.
Law enforcement officials said Coristine turned to face the teenagers, and several of them attacked him until police patrolling the area intervened. The group fled on foot when police approached, authorities said.
Lord Trump responded with a threat to take over run of the District, usurping another function of Congress (Article I, Section 8, Clause 17) to which congressional Republicans and SCOTUS conservatives would meekly acquiesece:
“Washington, D.C., must be safe, clean, and beautiful for all Americans and, importantly, for the World to see,” Trump added. “If D.C. doesn’t get its act together, and quickly, we will have no choice but to take Federal control of the City, and run this City how it should be run, and put criminals on notice that they’re not going to get away with it anymore.”
Crime in D.C. was down 35 percent in 2024 from the previous year, marking a 30-year low. Data from the district show violent crime is also down so far in 2025 compared with the previous year.
“If this continues, I am going to exert my powers, and FEDERALIZE this City. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” Trump digitally bellowed. He’ll huff, and he’ll puff, etc.
I wouldn’t wish a beating like that on anyone and hope Mr. Balls recovers quickly. But one can’t help but wonder if the Universe was giving Balls a taste of the mugging he and his band of digital nihilists doled out to thousands of federal employees (and their families) going about their lives doing the people’s work.
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