The World’s Best Publicists
By tristero
Gotta hand it to BP, Transocean and their partners. They have the best publicists in the world. By last August, for instance, we learned that most of the oil that leaked into the Gulf had magically disappeared. Sure, it must have cost an oil fortune in bribes to get a government report to say that (not to mention expensive mainstream media outlets like the Times to report the “finding” with a straight face), but hey, when you flack for a bunch of oil guys, you do in fact have a fortune in You Know What with which to bribe.
And today, as criticism of bonuses to Transocean execs increases. we encounter a headline about another study that reassures us that if, if, by any slight random chance, there actually did happen to be a lot of oil spilled – or leaked, what’s the diff? – the problems it caused are, for the most part, merely in people’s heads.
Oh sure, in the interest of pro forma objectivity, the actual article hedges and hems and haws and all but admits that the study is total bullshit and in fact, no one has any idea how bad the physical effects of a major oil catastrophe could be. Ah, but that headline! Oil Spills May Leave More Emotional Than Physical Scars, Study Finds That’s the ticket, that’s what we’re lookin’ for! Because after all, who is going to bother to read all about something that is long over and done with and was magically cleaned up last summer?
So everybody, chill about those bonuses. One or two small accidents last year, sure, but what can you expect in such a messy business? Besides, it’s all behind us now – except for a few head cases worried about (snicker) getting exposed to too much stool softener!