3 Days of Peace, Love and Bipartisanship

by dday

Today begins the event history will record as Wankstock, where old men and older men from all over the country will get together at the University of Oklahoma and sing in the manner of the old Joni Mitchell song, “and we got to get ourselves, back to the center!”

They’re coming to demand unity, which I’ve always found as the best way to unify any groups of people with differences, by demanding it. Their grievances are legion; they want bipartisanship, although there isn’t really an agenda to embrace. If the Democrats want to let the Bush tax cuts expire for those making $200,000 or more, and the Republicans don’t want any expiration, is the bipartisan position letting the tax cuts expire for those making (infinity-$200,000)/2? It’s unclear.

And now that voters in Iowa selected candidates in both parties who at least talk about bringing the country together, now the Wank Brigade is coming to demand specific proposals. Let’s break down how ridiculous this is. You can spend an entire week around the clock and not read all of the white papers that the three top Democratic candidates have issued. You can spend 10 seconds on the actual proposals that this Wank Brigade is standing behind.

And if you want to take a look at Michael Bloomberg’s actual record, you’d find a “bipartisan” that is really nothing more than a bland technocrat whose positions don’t differ radically from any other mainstream candidate, though the Wank Brigade that’s built up behind him is more “centrist” in the sense that they want to maintain the status quo and the power elite at all costs.

So if you’re interested in moving the country forward in a not-moving-the-country-forward direction, if you have flowers in your hair and a lack of vituperation in your heart, get yourself to Norman and be among your people, experience the best wankers this country has to offer. Be part of Wankstock.

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