My Cool New Job

by tristero

You are reading a blog post by the next head of the Metropolitan Transit Transportation Authority.* That’s right. I’ve decided to give up music and get a real job. I’m gonna run the New York subway system, the bus lines, and regulate bridge and tunnel tolls.

Now, this career change might strike some of you as a bit odd. After all, what the hell does a musican know about transit systems? What qualifies me for such a complicated and important new gig? Quite a bit. it turns out.

You see, dear friends, I have travelled widely around New York City. Therefore, I know how to run the Metropolitan area transit system as well as anyone.

What? You think I’m joking? You think my wide travels around the City don’t amount to a hill of beans when it comes to considering my suitability to run the MTA? Oh, please, that kind of thinking is so outmoded, it’s totally Second Millennium. That’s not the way we do things today:

The White House is starting to draw up a list of potential nominees to lead the World Bank, and former U.S. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, a heart surgeon who has traveled widely in Africa, is getting especially close scrutiny for the job.

Y’see? In order to be considered seriously as the new head of the World Bank, all you need as background is to have travelled widely in Africa. Well, people, I can assure you that while I have no doubt that Frist has indeed travelled widely in Africa, I have travelled much more widely over and under New York. Truth be told, I’m totally over qualified to lead the MTA.

And when I get the job, all Hullabaloo readers will get to ride the BMT lines free, from midnight to six in the morning. Top that, Bill Frist!

*Some smarty-pants in comments thinks that because I don’t know what MTA even stands for I’m not qualified. Yeah, right, like I’m supposed to know all the little details of the job before I get started. You think Bill Frist knows what loan amortization is? Or how to find Kenya on a map? You think that means he can’t run the World Bank? Get serious!