If only it were bipartisan!

This piece by Alexandra Petri in the Washington Post just nails it:

You bet I would love to support impeachment! Nothing would delight me more — if it were just bipartisan, which unfortunately it’s not, because I have vowed to oppose it at all costs. This is sure an unfortunate coincidence. I keep asking: Why isn’t there bipartisan support for this? I could support it, if only I were not against it — which I am, vehemently, and will hear no reason to change my mind. A most ingenious paradox!

If only these proceedings had my support, I would support them, but they don’t, and there we are. If only this were not a witch hunt (I declared it a witch hunt from the outset), I would consider it legitimate. There is, clearly, such a thing as a legitimate procedure: It is one that I do not oppose.

I should maybe mention now that I would oppose any impeachment procedure against this president, on the grounds that (a) people voted for him, and I do not wish to disrespect them, which impeaching him would do, and (b) previously people described him as “highly impeachable” and “the kind of guy who just screams ‘impeach me,’” and they uttered phrases such as “Impeach the [expletive]” and so now that they are impeaching him, de facto, or perhaps ipso facto, it cannot be fair! People are not allowed to be right about how someone’s presidency will turn out. If, in the end, he did commit technically a high crime or misdemeanor, it is really their fault, for not believing in him, and I am not going to reward their bad behavior.

We must consider the facts. Alas, the facts are in dispute, coincidentally again by me. So, there we are. Who can say what’s true? I understand you to be saying that a certain set of things are demonstrably true, but to that I say, “What if they weren’t? Also, think about President Andrew Johnson.”

Such a shame! I’m so saddened by this. Because I really, I truly want to give impeachment a fair shake, you know. I would! I just wish this process had support from both sides, as the wolf said when the sheep suggested “not eating the sheep” as a plan. Unfortunately, this is not the kind of thing on which we are going to agree.

It is your fault that this impeachment process is not bipartisan, and you ought to feel bad. If I had not vowed that this process was illegitimate and I would oppose it, I would consider it legitimate, and support it. It is your fault that I won’t, for starting this process, instead of waiting for me to start it.

Which I would have! If the president were a Democrat.

So, so right. 

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