Blogging For Bush And Bataille

Many people are upset by Michael Bérubé’s instant conversion from liberal college professor to red-meat Republican imperialist in one night. It does, I admit, seem a bit precipitous to toss off your entire political philosophy at the mere sight of a roomfull of doughy whitebread manliness, but that is the power of Republicanism. All it takes is one speech by Denny Hastert and many a fine Democrat is hooked. (I don’t even want to think about the effect Dick Cheney is going to have tonight. Lock up the womenfolk.)

You simply must read today’s dispatch, however, to understand what a dangerous defection this really is. Here is where an effete east coast literature professor can make a serious contribution to the GOP. As a testament to the diversity and tolerance of the new Republican Party, he has found a way to reach out to all the disillusioned Republicans like Monsieurs DeLay and Racicot who may be having a hard time coming to grips with the self-hating Frenchman syndrome so prevalent in the party:

Next up were the twins, Barbara and Jenna. And here, I think, is where my new party revealed a genius I didn’t know it had. For years, progressive-left literary types like me used to taunt Republicans: “nyah nyah, nyah nyah,” we suggested, “you don’t know anything about surrealism, nyah nyah, never heard of the European avant-garde, la la la la la la.” We thought we were the last word in urbane sophistication, and that Republicans could not begin to comprehend– or even catch– our allusions to figures like Bréton and Bataille. But then along come the Bush twins, and ooh la la, surrealism is born anew! “My Dad already had a chief of staff– and his name is Andy!” said Jenna. It is beyond humor, it is beyond your petty-ironic Democrat understanding. “Our parents’ favorite term of endearment for each other is Bushy,” they said, following this with “we had a hamster too, but our hamster didn’t make it.” What does this mean? you ask. Foolish liberal Democrats, fretting about “what does this mean, this strange talk of bushes and lost hamsters.” It is not about meaning. It is about the irruption of the unconscious into the very fabric of everyday life, where the eye becomes an egg and the hamster disappears into the bushy undergrowth, there to be transformed into the heart and soul of America. Hah! Now we find that Republican diversity is even more diverse than Michael Steele and Arnold Schwarzenegger– it extends even to the domain of live performance art, where Barbara and Jenna Bush evoke Bréton and Bataille and Beavis and Butthead in an intertextual performance that leaves you girlie-men cultural-studies Democrats gasping for air. I especially liked the bit about how their parents taught them to respect everyone. Except the people we run against– them we slime! Heh. Heh heh. Heh.

I told you Rove was a sneaky pomo bastard.

It’s somewhat alarming to see someone like Bérubé, who was just 48 hours ago filled with liberal goodness and righteousness, turn so quickly. But I’m beginning to understand how it can happen. I myself felt a little stirring in my upper colon last night at the sight of an accented cartoon cyborg being féted as a visionary and a couple of young ladies proving in front of the entire world that, just like their father, one need never intellectually progress beyond the seventh grade if one is rich enough. I just wanted to go out and get myself some of those purple heart band-aids and paste them on every liberal girly-man I know. Forget all that sacrifice, courage and hard work crapola. Being a wealthy empty shell is what the new America is all about.

By the way, the French word for irony is “ironie.” That’s a little too close for comfort in this day and age. From now on I’m using the term “honor ‘n integrity” in its place. Just so’s you know.