May I Have Some More Please?

Apparently, the NY Times just got its reporters brand new calculators/vanity mirrors because they seem to be spending an inordinate amount of time doing price checks on the Kerry campaign expenditures, barely able to contain their disgust at such conspicuous consumption:

John Kerry may be only a candidate for president, but he and his entourage travel like kings. A month ago, his campaign began chartering a gleaming 757, packed with first-class seats, fine food, sleeping accommodations – even a stand-up bar. They hardly shy away from fancy hotels, like the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and the St. Regis in Los Angeles.

Strangely, they weren’t so appalled back in 2000 when the Bush campaign feted them in high style on the Enron jet. In fact, as Bob Sommerby incomparably pointed out, Margaret Carlson wrote in her book that it was the gorging on imported chocolates and expensive entres (as compared to the cold box lunches provided by that lying Philistine Al Gore) that created the positive brown nosing that passed for coverage of candidate Bush:

“There were Dove bars and designer water on demand,” she recalls, “and a bathroom stocked like Martha Stewart’s guest suite. Dinner at seven featured lobster ravioli.”

[…]

Gore wanted the snacks to be environmentally and nutritionally correct, but somehow granola bars ended up giving way to Fruit Roll-Ups and the sandwiches came wrapped and looked long past their sell-by date. On a lucky day, someone would remember to buy supermarket doughnuts. By contrast, a typical day of food on Air Bush…consisted of five meals with access to a sixth, if you count grazing at a cocktail bar. Breakfast one was French toast, scrambled eggs, bacon…

Memo to the Kerry campaign. Be sure to throw the animals some of those $36.00 sand dabs. They get much more pliable if you buy them off with expensive food and toiletries. They are, after all, whores.

But, don’t kid yourselves. It will undoubtedly do only a tiny bit of good, if that. There’s something about the special taste of Republican largesse that really turns them on. Perhaps it’s the fact that they are required to take a little spanking with their lobster ravioli. (Imagine the revelry they could have enjoyed if multimillionaire Jack Ryan had ever run for president — truffles ‘n Dove bars ‘n handcuffs, oh my! Another dream shattered.)

Whatever it is, don’t expect too much from these people. As far as the media are concerned, rich or poor, northern or southern, Democratic candidates are lying, hypocritical scam artists and Republicans are hardworking, salt of the earth He-men. I doubt they are capable of changing that view no matter how much bearnaise sauce they have dripping from their chins.