A New Face For VP?

Last night John Kerry held a major big time gala here in Hollywood and a great American and patriot put himself forth for consideration as Vice President of the United States. The Los Angeles Times reports that none other than Larry David, star of Curb Your Enthusiasm and misanthrope extraordinaire has thrown his hat into the VP ring:

In deeply moving remarks which left not a dry eye in the house he said:

“I know it sounds a little crazy on its face. Why would he consider a bald, tactless, dishonest — and dare I say Jew —to be his running mate? But… think about this: out of all the other potential candidates I am the only one who offsets Bush and balances out the ticket … because whatever qualities [Bush] has that people find appealing, I have those same qualities in spades.

David said his own qualities included being a “nincompoop,” a “coward,” a “liar” and a mediocre student.

“Go ahead, ask me who’s the president of Japan? I don’t know. Ask me what was in the newspaper today. Don’t know …Ask me what foreign countries I’ve been to. None!”

The president, said David, “avoided Vietnam by going into the Air National Guard. I avoided it by going into the Army Reserve… he couldn’t outchicken me. My cowardice is legendary.”

“And I’m homophobic to boot! Don’t tell me that’s not gonna swing some voters.”

When Kerry took the stage at Ron Burkle’s hillside mansion, he thanked David: “You are qualified to be a Republican. Tonight, rest assured, you did absolutely nothing to change my mind about you and the vice presidency.”

I think we’ve got our ticket. And he’s worth at least a hundred mil!

link missing because LA Times Calendar section is so FUBAR’d it’s not worth it, even though it’s free for a subscriber like me.