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The Price Is Right

The Howler today has a spectacular takedown of Wilgoren and Pickler’s latest Karl Rove “around the world” special: John Kerry’s wealthy. Ewwww.

Wilgoren runs behind Kerry on his Nantucket vacation tabulating the cost of sand dabs and wind-surfing equipment like she’s a contestant on the Price Is Right (which she is, only it’s a little different game, if you know what I mean.)

Mr. Kerry has been coming here regularly since at least 1995, when he married the ketchup heiress Teresa Heinz at the three-story, five-bedroom house she owns on Brant Point, where the clothing designer Tommy Hilfiger also has a home and H. Wayne Huizenga, the owner of the Miami Dolphins, recently sold one. Valued at $9 million in 1995, the house…has a large screened-in porch, decorative columns, and a green-and-white love-seat swing on its sandy front lawn.

Oh, the rich bastard. At least our up-by-his-bootstraps- president doesn’t spend his time in rich playgrounds. He works and sweats when he goes on vacation.

The weekend was Mr. Kerry’s first real holiday since the week he spent at his wife’s Sun Valley, Idaho, home in March, where he was widely photographed snowboarding. It was reminiscent of President Bill Clinton’s vacations in borrowed houses on nearby Martha’s Vineyard, and a sharp contrast to President Bush’s frequent brush-clearing forays on his sweltering ranch in Crawford, Tex.

Pickler as all right thinking Americans do, agrees:

Like Kerry, President Bush is a Yale graduate who has benefited from his wealth and family connections. But Bush spends his down time trying to be more of an everyman, preferring to spend vacations at his Texas ranch clearing brush.

Well, except for the time he spends at the fucking family compound “Walkers Point” (as in “W”) in Kennebunkport, Maine:

President Bush opened a long weekend of golf and fishing Friday by hooking his first drive into a riverbank. He found his stroke on his second try, cheered by his father, who proclaimed it a “good ball!”

President Bush and former President George Bush ride their golf cart to the first hole at the Cape Arundel Golf Course [“said to be” $150,000 initially and $8500.00 per year] in Kennebunkport, Maine.

Father and son left their family’s coastal compound [valued at 8 million] just after dawn, taking a mini-motorcade to nearby Cape Arundel Golf Club, where they have been golfing for years. The first President Bush drove their golf cart up to the first tee, the current president riding shotgun with his feet up on the dash. “Good morning, everybody!” he said to a group of reporters.

[…]

Three generations of Bushes were spending Father’s Day weekend at Walker’s Point, the family’s estate here along Atlantic coastline.

The president and his father climbed into the Fidelity II power boat [$135,000] later and fished the coastline, stopping to cast for about 10 minutes before moving on to another spot. Wearing fashionable, blue-tinted shades [$480.00], the son caught what appeared to be a foot-long striper, and gently placed it back in the water.

[…]

Arriving at the family’s oceanside estate the younger Bush quickly shed the suit and tie for casual wear, grabbed a tennis racket [$700.00] and whacked an orange ball for dog Spot to fetch. The president was still clutching the racket when he boarded a Segway[$5,500], a standup, motorized scooter that resembles a push lawnmower.

The Segway went down [priceless] on Bush’s first attempt, but he stayed on his feet with a flying leap over the machine. Undeterred, he got on again. His father climbed on a second Segway [another $5,500] and they cruised around the driveway at the estate at Walker’s Point.

The president’s twins, Jenna and Barbara, and former first lady Barbara Bush all took turns on the Segways. Earlier Thursday, first lady Laura Bush, the twins and the former president took a cruise in a white powerboat[$90,000.00].

The stay in Kennebunkport was only the most recent long weekend of relaxation Bush has taken since the Iraq war. He has had three long weekends at his Crawford, Texas, ranch [acquired in 1999 and valued at $3 million] since mid-April.

I believe that the family ate dinner later that evening at the Cape Arundale Inn where the Maine Lobster Stew with Truffle Oil drizzle runs about $42.00 a plate. It was, by all accounts delicious, at a mere $776.00.

Afterwards, the president went out and cleared some brush behind the golf course and pissed on the side of of the clubhouse. Cuz’ he’s just a reglar Murican like you ‘n me.

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