All Together Now

Man, we liberals can’t win for losing, can we? First we are told that we’re a bunch of immoral libertines who are trying to destroy the fabric of our nation with our nasty talk and perverted big city ways, and then John Tierney says today that we are a bunch of stiffs who don’t understand what a bunch of rollockin’, ribald partiers those real American Red Staters are.

I admit that I’m a little bit confused, but I’m sure David Brooks will clear it up for me in his next column, being the world’s foremost expert on heartland values and jumbo shrimp platters and all. Meanwhile, I guess what I don’t understand is why it’s ok for the First Lady to make horse cock jokes on television but it’s not ok for a professional comedienne to make “bush” jokes at a private fundraiser. That’s the part that seems a little bit odd to me. Remember this:

Comic Whoopi Goldberg’s sexual puns on President Bush’s name at a John Kerry fundraiser got her canned Wednesday as spokeswoman for Slim-Fast weight-loss products.

The freepers were terribly upset at the vulgarity:

Hollyweird does NOT represent American values, or the heart and soul of our country, in any way whatsoever!!

This election is shaping up to be a contest between anyone with decent or Christian values (whatever his or her usual political leanings) and the moral FILTH and POISON represented by Hollyweird and the media and advertising community, the feminazis, and the gays. I vote NO to all of them!!!!

As for SlimFast, it doesn’t work anyway, in terms of long-term weight loss and health. Don’t beleive their hype, whether spread by Whoopi the Obscene or by anyone else. Boycott SlimFast for ALL the right reasons!!!!

By the way, I see from your screen name that you are a Christian, as I am. May God bless you!!!!

Mychel Massie clutched his pearls and bravely held back the tears as he related the horrors on World Net Daily:

I am profoundly offended by Kerry’s foolish and base support of such filth – and America, you should be, too.

What type of future does Kerry envision for America if he applauds the rawest of trash as “the heart and soul of our country”? How does Kerry view the voters, his church, the family and education if he postulates those things as “values inside you”? To laughingly support such an extraordinarily tasteless, vulgar, public display, one must ask not only how Kerry views the office of president, but exactly what respect has he for himself?

Republican leaders, if you’ll recall, demanded an apology from the Kerry camp. Junior made the line “my opponent likes tah say that Hollywood is the heart ‘n soul ‘o America. but I think the heart ‘n soul ‘o America is right here in _______, heartland USA” one of his rapturous applause cues throughout the campaign.

That was a different time. Now it seems that the moral Red Staters have finally decided to admit that they love a good horse cock joke as much as the next guy and that’s just fine with me. I always knew they did. We’re all about horse cock jokes in this country, from sea to shining sea. Nothing makes a First Lady more downhome and fun than talking about horse cocks on TV. Bring ’em on. Horse cocks for everyone.

But I’d really appreciate it if they’d can the phony sanctimony from now on and shut the fuck up about “Desperate Housewives” and dirty talk on TV. If it’s ok for the First Lady of the United States to joke publicly about her husbands limp dick and jerking off farm animals then it’s ok for Whoopie Goldberg and everybody else to make Bush jokes.

Ezra makes the same point but without even one horse cock reference, a weakness I often notice in his writing.

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