If you’ve never heard of Jonathan Pie, give yourselves a present. He’s British. It’s Friday.
For its many flaws, The New York Times saw fit to ask Pie to teach Americans a little about themeslves while performing another of his classic political rants, this one about Boris Johnson’s Partygate scandal (no embed, sorry).
The Times begins:
To explain exactly why the British are so enraged with Boris Johnson, who was already infamous for his troubled relationship with the truth, we produced a satirical Opinion video with Jonathan Pie, a fictional broadcast reporter created and performed on YouTube by comedian Tom Walker, whose acerbic, satirical monologues have gone viral.
Where to begin? Without swearing?
“Boris Johnson, a demonstrable liar, is only out for himself? Don’t know if that sounds familiar to an American audience,” Pie starts as the film crew finished their prep.
“A narcissist with shit hair?”
Pie summarizes Johnson’s involvement in 16 parties at a time when he was urging his constituents not to have any social contacts themselves because of the pandemic. Johnson lied about it. Multiple times. To the public. To the queen.
What to make of him?
One word: entitlement.
Boris comes from a long succession of posh, upper-class, bumbling idiots who are destined for greatness only because no one has ever, or will ever, tell them they’re not. Boris went to Eaton, a sort of Hogwarts for wankers, where you get taught Latin and tax avoidance whilst wearing full evening dress.
Does any of this sound familiar?
“Cannibals,” Pie continues, his blood up getting up.
Self-serving parasites. Tapeworms in tiaras, swimming through the intestines of the state, sucking all the goodness out of it for their own repugnant gratification.
Give yourself a present. Of pie. Cherry and Jonathan.
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