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The weird turn pro

When governing is not your agenda

If Jared Leto in “a head-to-toe, mascot-style cat costume” at the Met Gala doesn’t satisfy your appetite for weird, there are always Republican governors.

Jamelle Bouie gazes upon attempts by Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis to make a trip to Florida the next best thing to vacationing on another planet. Be warned: Planet Ron is fighting an outbreak of the “woke mind virus.”

DeSantis warns Ronians with little exposure to Earth 1 that the infection is “a form of cultural Marxism that tries to divide us based on identity politics.” Bouie wonders what Ronians make of that (New York Times):

Now, I can follow this as a professional internet user and political observer. I know that “woke mind virus” is a term of art for the (condescending and misguided) idea that progressive views on race and gender are an outside contagion threatening the minds of young people who might otherwise reject structural explanations of racial inequality and embrace a traditional vision of the gender binary. I know that “cultural Marxism” is a right-wing buzzword meant to sound scary and imposing.

To a normal person, on the other hand, this language is borderline unintelligible. It doesn’t tell you anything; it doesn’t obviously mean anything; and it’s quite likely to be far afield of your interests and concerns.

Hunter S. Thompson likely visited Florida before Ron was Ron the First. But he’d recognize him as a pro even without the white boots.

DeSantis is not the only Republican prone to speaking in a language foreign to Earthlings. Bouie notes, “Republican politicians — from presidential contenders to anonymous state legislators — are monomaniacally focused on banning books, fighting ‘wokeness’ and harassing transgender people.”

That is, when they are not still questioning the results of the 2020 presidential elections here on Earth 1. Or trying to outdo one another on who can claim “the most draconian abortion views and policy aims.”

Gov. Greg Abbott works at reserving Planet Lone Star for Starians and to off-planet anyone that draws his sidelong glance.

When an AR-15-packing Starian slaughtered five of Abbott’s residents execution-style over the weekend (including a 9-year-old boy), Abbott’s response suggested “good riddance.” The victims were “illegal immigrants,” after all. (Possibly one was not.)

New York City Mayor Eric Adams accuses Abbott of deporting “asylum-seekers to New York and other major cities run by Black mayors” back on Earth 1. Politico reports:

Over the weekend, Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot sent a letter to Abbott saying her administration also learned the Republican governor would resume busing children and families to Illinois on Monday. Lightfoot, a Democrat who lost a recent reelection bid, called the move an “inhumane” and “dangerous” decision.

Newsmax, one of off-worlders’ premiere propaganda outfits, is incensed that News Corp’s Rupert Murdoch has banished several of the most popular talking heads on Planet Ron and Planet Lone Star, including Tucker Carlson. Host Eric Bolling sees a “new world order globalist” conspiracy.

“Watch your six — Sean Hannity. Who’s left that isn’t drinking the neocon-RINO Kool Aid,” Bolling told his intergalactic audience.

Earthlings, pick up a phrase book before visiting Planet Ron or Planet Lone Star. Or just do yourselves a favor and don’t. It’s not safe.

Published inUncategorized